Encouraging Healthy Choices

Noelle Palmer

Youth Leadership Volunteer Training Workshop
Calvary Lutheran in Golden Valley

The basic difference between youth culture today and of adults is attitudes.

If you think back to your own life and what worked to cause you to make decisions or make changes, it won’t work today. Adolescents now have a different mindset in perceptions and understanding.

When adults are asked to name what they think stumbling blocks for teens for a successful future, they list sex outside of marriage, drug or alcohol addictions, breaking the law, running with the wrong crowd, and violence against themselves or others. Young people today don’t see those things as unhealthy.

When youth (about 50 urban youth from a retreat) were asked to list the top stumbling blocks to success in life, none of those listed above were mentioned. The top ones were cliques and being excluded. Racism and the system were others.

Adults see these consequences for choices:

• The consequences of sex outside of marriage as pregnancy, STD, AIDS and possible death, parental disapproval, physical and emotional poverty, isolation, loss of reputation, low self esteem, and effect on the future. These result from disobedience to God’s command to purity.

• The consequences of drug and alcohol use or abuse are possible problems with addiction, health, relationships, school, jobs, sports, clubs, legal problems, family problems and, again, parental disapproval.

• School apathy leads to lack of education and not becoming prepared for the future.

• Running with the wrong crowd can lead to poor choices, being brought down by the pressure and influence of these peers.

• Breaking the law leads to social stigma and legal consequences.

The trend among youth is that it isn’t enough of a consequence for them that God doesn’t like the choice.

They are motivated by their basic human needs for love, affection, companionship, and to belong and be accepted, which are the same today as always but are even more powerful because of many family situations. They want security and stability, are looking for purpose in life, and want to know that their lives are not mistakes.

What’s different today?

• The number one thing that is different today is the moral code. How can we expect kids to see consequences as negative when there is an anything goes mentality in the media.

• Second is the need for instant gratification. There is fast food and voicemail. Even to do a school assignment, the technology today allows them to do it quickly by searching the Web, use spell check, etc. The days of having to go to the library and search through the card catalogue and then type up a report have changed dramatically. They don’t know how to prolong gratification. There is an increase in suicide because such an impulse coupled with the need for instant gratification can be deadly. Because of instant gratification, they do not think about how behavior will affect future relationships, jobs, etc.

• Third is the disappearance or disintegration of self-accountability. It is easy to blame someone or something else. They don’t feel the need to be responsible.

• Fourth is the disappearance of accountability of a higher authority. It is not a threat to disappoint parents, teachers, coaches, and God, etc.

• Fifth is the lack of boundaries. Nothing is out of line anymore.

In summary, consequences are not thought about or seen as negatives.

It’s important to still have conversations about these things, and point out God’s words and the consequences that result from not following them. We need to step back and establish why each of the previous items is needed.

We can’t assume anything about their backgrounds. We can’t assume they know who Jesus is. We don’t know where they are coming from. We need to build relationship with kids to show them Jesus Christ, the living Jesus Christ. Our priority needs to be showing Jesus. We can’t feel the responsibility to change them; that is Jesus’ job. All curriculum, studies, talks, etc. should center on three things. First is Jesus. We show it by how we act but what does scripture say. It is God inspired. Bring life to Jesus.

Second it must be real. Be real about struggles and victories in sharing about your relationship with Jesus. Show your real self, don’t embellish stories. Third it needs to be about their faith and not yours. Make it OK for them to be honest with you. They shouldn’t say something because they think that’s what you or their parents think they should say. It’s their choices.

A moral code will be established from those three things (Jesus, Real, Their Faith) and will only be accepted as an authority if they trust it.

Consequences and future gratification through Christ are what will make a difference. Unless they start with Jesus, their lives will be without purpose. God has created them for a purpose and has designed them to be successful in what God has created for them. When discussing an issue, back it up to start with the desired result. Show how what we do today for instant gratification affects the future.

It’s all about Jesus. That’s not a given any more.

Depending upon how you are made, it’s OK to be aggressive with the youth today.

Control is an issue with kids and parents. Give them the ownership and the consequences.

We earn the right to speak by first listening to them. Kids want to have their parent’s approval even if they don’t like it. They are most committed to the small group studies now and not the entertaining pie in the face stuff, etc. They need an outlet for venting their feelings about what is happening at home and in their lives.